Luminosis
by acatnamedmouse
Summary: I had a brother, once. He was bright, and beautiful, and bright.


_I had a brother, once. He was bright, and beautiful, and bright. _

Bright like supernovae. Burning, searing, stabbing, _**bright**_.

Brighter than sun.

_(Brighter than me)_

Golden hair. Golden hands. Honeyed words spilling like waterfalls from the golden virtue that called itself my _brother_.

_(how dare you lie to the God of Lies)_

Swimming in the air above me. How my broken fingers trembled, aching for the most fleeting touch, the most swiftly passing dream, a memory.

_(I think I was beautiful once, too)_

But I was never good enough. I let go.

_(noyoudidn't__**noyoudidn't**__itwas__**HIM**__don'tyouseeitwashimhediscardedyo urejectedyou__**HETHREWYOUAWAY**__)_

I was never afraid of falling.

(_until the darkness and the madness and the crushing and the never ending swallowed you whole and there was no air and no sun and nothing beautiful or __**bright**__ and you stopped believing in everything but Death)_

I fell and was met by rock.

_(But did you ever really stop falling?)_

A scarlet river poured from me. Trickling through the cracks of ebony stone. Flowing, endless, _beautiful_.

_(A shame that such a beautiful thing should come from __**YOU**__)_

It came from my head. From my mouth. Staining my silvertongue. _**Staining my lies.**_

_(your ledger is dripping red, gushing red)_

Bitter cold gnawed into skin. _My_ skin. _(was it mine? was it ever really mine?) _

**My** skin.

Flesh and bone. And nothing more.

_(just another stolen relic)_

Months, years, _seconds_ passed. I never did fade away.

_(Oh, but you did. You liar, you did.)_

_(You liar.)_

The hands came. Not golden. Not bright. Rough, paws, like sandpaper sidewalks.

_(sandpaper? Sidewalks? You must have paid attention in Midgard)_

_(I didn't.)_

A dream, that was all. I was dreaming. I had been dreaming my whole life.

When the _pain_ came, it was a dream as well.

_(a dream or a nightmare?)_

A dream.

Exquisite. Now the scarlet river flowed from me like rapids. Satin. Beautiful.

_(I don't think I ever really felt it)_

_(until I did)_

Days blurred into weeks. Week blurred into centuries.

It must have been centuries.

_(weak)_

How sweet it must be, death.

_(pleasetakemepleasePLEASEjust letmedie__**IWANTTODIE**__)_

_(MotherFather__**BROTHER**__someoneanyone__**please**__)_

There was a scream that never ended.

_(Brother, please)_

I entered a haze. _A red haze_. The scarlet river wasn't so beautiful anymore.

It was _killing_ me.

Perhaps that was the first time.

I no longer desired death.

_(I only ever wanted to be your equal)_

But it was too late. The scarlet river became an ocean. And the ocean became _me_.

I begged. I did. For an end. For my life.

_(who would be gentle enough to show mercy to YOU?)_

_(you monster)_

Kindness is a myth. I learned.

And all that is real is **red**.

_(dripping red GUSHING RED)_

How fragile bones are. How easily snapped. Twigs in the hands. The hands that never stopped snapping, tearing, clawing, raking, _killing_.

I _laughed_. Twigs snapped.

And something more than the scarlet river began to flow.

_(losing my mind, I'm losing my mind)_

The agony ceased. I had grown used to it.

_(you just stopped feeling it)_

_(no. I never stopped.)_

I weakened. Grew desperate. Longed to feel. I imagined the beating to be a caress, the taunts a whisper, a gentle word.

And the agony returned.

_(does everything go away?)_

_(yes, everything goes away)_

_Love_, I realized, is a _lie_.

_(the God of Lies)_

No.

When they snapped my neck, I stopped longing for beautiful things.

I tore my hated eyes from their sockets.

There was nothing left to see.

_(Did you love me, brother? I loved you.)_

When they came back, He was there.

He offered me a chance.

A chance to be used.

A chance to be _vital._

_(it was all I ever wanted)_

I accept.

_How could I not?_

Finally (_finally)_, the scarlet river ceased to flow.

Loki Odinson was dead.

_(Loki Odinson never existed)_

Blue replaced red. The all-encompassing, all-consuming blue.

_(your treasure, Allfather)_

And what a treasure it was.

I was alone. For the first time in millennia. For the first time in _days_.

The chains bound me, retained me, held me, but they did not keep me from the treasure.

They couldn't have.

The treasure came to _me_.

The **power** came to _me_.

_(It drove you mad, did it not?)_

Nothing but me. Alone in the sea of supremacy. And I knew it was all that I wanted.

The power _dripped_ from me. Swallowed me raw, consumed me from the inside out.

Thoughts ceased to exist.

When they returned, they were no longer my own.

_(__**you**__ were no longer your own)_

_(it was better that way)_

He returned. He found a creature drunken on power that lusted for blood.

It seemed I was perfect once more.

_(Father's little monster indeed)_

The task was assigned.

I could not fail.

I would not fail.

He made clear what would happen to me if I did.

_(no __**crevice**__ He can't find you)_

But in the haze, the _blue_ haze, all that matters is nothing.

Nothing but the task.

_(there is only the __**WAR**__)_

The first step from the Void, the first step on my own two legs _(twigs, easily snapped) _felt like _gold_.

_(which did not exist anymore)_

_(nothing beautiful is __**real**__)_

I died in the Void.

Along with all things beautiful and _bright_.

_(Farewell, Brother)_

_**(**__save me)_

**A/N:**** I apologize if that was the most pointless drabble you've ever read. I've been on a bit of a hiatus from fan fiction and haven't written in years, so when sudden inspiration hit me out of nowhere yesterday I felt the need to share my work :p And this is also my first Thor/Avengers ff. So please be kind **** The inspiration for this came partly from the song Louder Than Thunder by The Devil Wears Prada, and partly from Falling by Florence and the Machine. Both songs are amazing and I highly encourage listening to them if you have Loki feels :3 Reviews are most welcome and highly appreciated^^ **


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